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“Delight yourself in the Lord also, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4.
I was 18-years-old, and this was “my verse” for the first few years of my walk with the Creator. I clung to this promise until my knuckles turned to white. Anytime I felt fear, anxiety, or doubt, I reminded myself that I was a sanctified saint… and this was enough for me. This was good.
But you know what? Somewhere along the way, I lost this verse. Not in the literal sense, of course; however, I had forgotten the simple promise the Great I AM spoke to me back in the day. At some point, I felt that I was ready to be elevated to some greater level of knowledge and insightfulness. I day-dreamed of giving lengthy sermons to thousands, and as I would speak, the people would weep. The people would admire me for my well crafted theories and eloquent speech. I dreamed of starting ministries to prove that I was just as capable as the next. I dreamed of writing books by the hundreds that sported clever titles that made people know my elevated state of mind.
My head got fat with the knowledge of teaching after teaching. Yes, I did my best to apply what I had learned; but these desires of my youth slightly clouded my heart from yielding to the One. I was looking for a way out of my sin, I was looking for a formula to be free, and find something beyond the love of Jesus… I just didn’t know I was doing this. In all honesty, my thoughts became my idol. Sure, other things got in the way, too; yet, when those faded, it was my thoughts that I was left with.
All of these desires I once had where one about ME. I used to be so ashamed about this, but I’m done with that. I want Jesus. I want what C.S. Lewis had. What A.W. Tozer had. What Saint Francis of Assisi, Charles Grandison Finney, and G.K. Chesterton had. Would Brother Andrew have been able to be used in the way he has been if he demanded his own glory? What about Watchman Nee, or Brother Yun? They got something about Him that made them NEVER look back. I want that, and I know you do too!
Love God. Love others. That’s it. It’s not deep, but it is at the same time. Yes, I’m a missionary. But even missionaries can lose sight of why they do what they do. We are all fully capable of remembering why we’re alive. Let everyone be encouraged to know that there is nothing worth living for but to love the Father.
So, needless to say, I’ve abandoned these foolishly selfish dreams, and have accepted taken up the promise God once gave me: to delight myself in Him, and he will give me what I desire. In doing this, I realized something oddly obvious… when I begun to admire and spend intimate time with Him, I realized that HE was the one I desired all along. He IS the “desire of my heart.” Mmm, good stuff:)
When you love someone, you naturally want to become like them. God is no different. In fact, I’d argue He’s the one that put that in us!
Be blessed!
Preface: There was once a time when I thought I’d never leave Salem. Now, I’m in one of the most influential cities in the world: Los Angeles. I guess that’s what happens when you say to God, “I’ll follow you wherever,”? Too often, I find myself saying things to Him and not realizing what I’m really saying until it happens… this would be a prime example.
I know many of you have been waiting on the edge of your seats, in eager anticipation of the moment when I would share what a day with me looks like. Where you would be able to breathe the thick smoggy air of LA through my words. Where you would be able to feel the heat of LA’s sun, and drink of the nasty tap water that dwells in the pipes of this mega-city. Well, wait no longer and look no further! If these have been the longings of your heart, than THIS is the blog post for you!
To begin, my adjustment to this city has been a little harsher than initially imagined. The traffic was insane, the heat was… hot, and even the YWAM base down here was run differently than the one I was used to. Bottom line: my new home didn’t feel like home. However, aside from these observations, I wasn’t going to allow such feeble things sway the reason of me being down here. I came here because of God. In this pursuit to be closer and not further from the One who made me exist, I came. There is this quote by Loren Cunningham, the founder of YWAM, that says, “I want to lean so hard against Jesus, that when He moves, I fall over.” I suppose the same has happened to me. I find myself looking at quotes like this one, and almost a sense of heartbreak overcomes me, as I long to live the same way. So much so, that I just assume I’ll never live such a radical life following Jesus. But, more and more, I am coming to the realization that I am already there. May we all come to this realization: If we think there is a point of arrival when following God(aside from heaven of course), than we ourselves have stalled. Coming to know Christ IS the arrival. I’m pretty sure Oswald Chambers said something like this at one point in My Utmost for His Highest.
So, now that I’ve said all of that, I’ll cut to the chase: I love it here! As hard as it may be at times, God is moving. I get to work with film, and I get to go into the city and work with people who just need love! How cool is that? About two weeks ago, I met a guy who does the sound for a lot of the major reality TV Shows. I’ve met a few people like this, and everytime I am shocked. I easily forget that I am in the city where “it all happens.” Just last night, I was in Santa Monica, and witnessed a music video being filmed for the band 30 Seconds to Mars. For those of you who want to know, the lead singer is also an actor named, Jared Leto… I totally saw him:) So being in this environment is really exciting, and inspiring. Maybe one day I’ll be the one filming their music videos?
Every Thursday, I go to an afterschool program for at-risk youth called, Jeopardy. It’s a two-hour time frame where we tudor, do lesson plans, and hang out with them. Essentially, we are there as “stable arms” in their lives. Many of these kids’ parents are either gang bangers, drug dealers, abusive, or incredibly unstable. Just last week, I was sitting in on one of their anger management classes, and almost started crying at some of the things they were sharing. They live in a world that will swollow them whole unless they fight back. That is why many of them get into gangs. The sad part is that the majority of them don’t know how to get out. College isn’t even an option. Living somewhere besides a world infested with crime is a fantasy. So they puckerup, and embrace the world they’ve been raised in. I had the opportunity to share with these kids about something really hard that happened to me while I was in highschool, and how I over came it. It was sort of my way of saying, “Hey, life can be hard, but even though I’m white, and your hispanic, and even though you may THINK I’ve had a perfect life, it’s been far from perfect. And we are more similar than you think.”
I’ve got more stories to tell, but for the sake of time I’ll save those for another time! Thank you all for praying for me and supporting what I am doing. Continue to pray that God softens the hearts of these kids, and that my friends and I are kept from discouragement, and are able to continue to pour into these kids. I’ve also got some film projects in the near future, so stay tuned! Be blessed and don’t forget to smile today!
Dig in. Dig in. When in doubt, dig in. It’s these two words that ring daily in my ears. In fact, it’s these two words that encompass my life as of late. Everytime I have a question about direction, these words fly up to the forefront of my mind… like those little cartoon birds that were in Mary Poppins.
I’ve been through some fairly hard stuff in my short 23-year-old life. At times I felt as if the things I was going through were much too hard to bear. It felt as if my life was a rickedy old house built upon a fountation of sand. I assumed people were out to get me, that I was a failure to the core, and that I’d never see the beauty of a sunset ever again. Most importantly, I assumed God had abandoned me. The Creator of the universe, the One who promised to “never leave me, nor forsake me,” felt utterly absent from my life. After coming through those hard “valley” times, I’ve realized one single truth: I was WRONG. I wrong about people’s view of me. I was wrong about my assessments of situations I was in… But, I was also wrong about God’s apparent disappearance from my life.
I just got done reading Job, in the old testament, the other day. It was hardcore good reading. I think I read it in 2 hours or so. Pretty awesome, and I think you should read it. It’s funny how Job was a dude who had the best of everything. He loved God, and indeed God had blessed him with everything he had. One day, Satan comes to God (like a punk… becasue he is one), and is all like, “Hey God, your servant Job serves you only becasue Your his sugar-daddy. Take away everything he has, and ten bucks says he’ll curse you!” So God allows Satan to strip-away Job stuff. To Satan’s amazement, Job still praises God. In Job’s suffering, his friends come to him and basically tell him, “Your suffering is because of sin! Repent!” But as many of you know, Job never did anything to merit this sufferning. At the same time, Job still demanded information from God. Elevating himself to a level he shouldn’t have. God lays down some heavy stuff for Job to stomach, but I’ll get to that in a second.
The moral of this story? Well, it could be multiple things… but, I’ll just highlight two things: Suffering and reverence. I just heard a good friend of mine give a message about these two things just last week. Just becasue you’re suffering DOES NOT mean it is becasue you did something wrong. Allow me to explain if I may. Say you want to get into shape. So, you pick up some 5lb weights and begin doing arm curls. Now, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to tell that if you want to get definition in your arms, 5lbs won’t cut it. I am sure we would all agree that if you want to see results, resistance is the “golden key.” Why is it that we pray these prayers like, “Oh, God! Make me more like you! I want to be stronger! I want to love more, I want to encourage more”, and then wonder why things get harder. We automatically think something is wrong, and pray for God to remove our “cup of suffering.” You know what I say? Dig in! We prayed for it, and the only way to get healthy and more fit is to embrace the pain you experience in exercising your body. It’s no different in our relationship with the Creator of the Universe.
The second “moral of the story” is a tougher one to swallow: reverence. Job lays down some statements about God that aren’t true. Like, “I cry out to God and He doesn’t answer me,” and “You don’t bother to look. You have become cruel to me.” One would think that after analyzing Job situation, Job would be right. Well, he isn’t. In the 38th chapter of Job, the apparently “silent” God speaks up with a roaring, thunderous voice. “Where were YOU when I laid the foundations of the earth?” And so begins the mighty response of God. You guys, one of the biggest things for me right now, aside from the whole “dig in” thing, is this: give God back the reverence He deserves. So much of my life and my relationship with Him has been a matter of PREFERANCE. I say, “Take my life,” and so quickly take it back. I say “Use me and all that I have,” yet, I so quickly hoard my possessions and the blessings He has given me. I cry out, “Mold me and transform me, and help me to find security in You alone!” Yet, every prayer after that is based upon wanting security in money, wanting God to give to me out of my lust for things.
My challenge to the Body (myself included), give God the glory He deserves. If you have a Bible, read Job 38-42:5(I’m serious, read it. You won’t regret it!)… and tremble at who God is and who He will always be. These words sting me everytime I read them, reminding me that I’m not the man I was, but I’m not the man I’ll be. Be blessed, you guys!
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For those of you who haven’t heard the news, I made it down to LA! The 14-hour drive was… exhilarating. It consisted of coffee, great music, me singing very passionately to that great music, and me talking to myself from time to time. You know, it’s funny, when you drive on the road for a extended period of time by yourself, you start to notice the world of drivers around you. You may pass a guy who, is pulling a… let’s say a Porsha, and a beat-up old Camaro (which I actually saw). About an hour or two later, maybe you get a little hungry, so you pull off the highway to get a little bit to eat, right? But as you get back on the highway… the unthinkable happens: you pass trailer-pulling-Porshe and Camaro-guy! It’s so much fun! Oh the wondrous joys of long road trips with You, yourself, and… yourself. You should try it sometime; It’s camaraderie like you’ve never experienced in your natural born life.
LA, is warm. Being that I’m a native Oregonian, it’s something of an adjustment. But, I’ll be strong. It’s hard stomaching that LA is now my home, and the sooner I accept this fact, the sooner I can fully engage myself, I think. Although, one thing that makes the transition easier to bear is my girlfriend, Lauren being down here at this YWAM base! She is pretty much amazing, and I hope that you all get the opportunity of getting to know her, if you haven’t already:)
You guys, I am so excited about the doors God is opening up! I just had my first day of work on the base, and had the chance to sit down with my department head in the film department. There are a few basic guideline for the department; however, I am given free reign to be creative, and further my skills. Awesome! My department head, Tim, wants to look into enrolling me into a class that helps me learn how to use an editing software called: Final Cut Pro. Essentially, all you need to know is one thing… actually, two things: First, it’s an Apple program… Awesomeness number 1. Second, it’s the editing program that all of the major movies use. Awesomeness number 2. I feel very blessed that I get to do what I love, and learn. I get to glorify God through the passions and gifting He has given me. He is worthy to be praised. I know I’m only 23; but, it is a “grassroots” truth that it is NEVER to late to pursue your dreams. So go for it! Try what supposedly “can’t be done!
If you guys could just pray for my adjustment while down here (I’m already getting homesick!), and that I would continue to give God the glory He deserves. He’s worthy… enough said. I love you guys! Talk to you soon.
So check this out, it’s time fore me to leave. Tomorrow begins the new chapter in my life. I see the vast horizon, and the wild ocean before me, and it’s time to set sail. OR… for those of you Star Wars freaks: I see the deep galaxy before me, and it’s time to take the Millenium Falcon out and let he hyperdrive kick in. For all of you haters out there, YES my car is old (like the falcon), but it’s got it where it counts, and SHOULD be compared to the Millenium Falcon…
I am so excited. Seriously. I am really stoked to see what God has in store for this next season. It’s such a releasing feeling to know that I am now beginning to pursue my dreams and passions. Though they aren’t what they will be in the future, they aren’t what they once were, and THAT is incredible. God is good. I think the most amazing revelation I’m actually in right now is that God loves me. GOD. LOVES. ME. You guys, let that sink in for yourselves. God loves you. God is madly, crazy in love with you. No matter what you do, there is nothing that will separate you from His ridiculous love. Never let this go you guys.
I’m going down to YWAM LA to work in their film department, and their urban department. It’s going to be epic. I can’t wait to see what God does and what doors He opens. But, below this post are 5 videos I’ve been working on throughout the summer. I’m not the greatest and I’m just learning how to work with film, so keep that in mind when watching. Start from the first one and work your way up. Don’t forget to read the short description of the video before you watching!
I love you guys, and I’ll let you all know I’m alive and well when I get down to LA!
Until then, read Psalm 47. Seriously, it’s hardcore and it’s only like 9 verses. It’s chalk full of invitations to praise to God. He deserves it.
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