“Delight yourself in the Lord also, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4.

I was 18-years-old, and this was “my verse” for the first few years of my walk with the Creator. I clung to this promise until my knuckles turned to white. Anytime I felt fear, anxiety, or doubt, I reminded myself that I was a sanctified saint… and this was enough for me. This was good.

But you know what? Somewhere along the way, I lost this verse. Not in the literal sense, of course; however, I had forgotten the simple promise the Great I AM spoke to me back in the day. At some point, I felt that I was ready to be elevated to some greater level of knowledge and insightfulness. I day-dreamed of giving lengthy sermons to thousands, and as I would speak, the people would weep. The people would admire me for my well crafted theories and eloquent speech. I dreamed of starting ministries to prove that I was just as capable as the next. I dreamed of writing books by the hundreds that sported clever titles that made people know my elevated state of mind.

My head got fat with the knowledge of teaching after teaching. Yes, I did my best to apply what I had learned; but these desires of my youth slightly clouded my heart from yielding to the One. I was looking for a way out of my sin, I was looking for a formula to be free, and find something beyond the love of Jesus… I just didn’t know I was doing this. In all honesty, my thoughts became my idol. Sure, other things got in the way, too; yet, when those faded, it was my thoughts that I was left with.

All of these desires I once had where one about ME. I used to be so ashamed about this, but I’m done with that. I want Jesus. I want what C.S. Lewis had. What A.W. Tozer had. What Saint Francis of Assisi, Charles Grandison Finney, and G.K. Chesterton had. Would Brother Andrew have been able to be used in the way he has been if he demanded his own glory? What about Watchman Nee, or Brother Yun? They got something about Him that made them NEVER look back. I want that, and I know you do too!

Love God. Love others. That’s it. It’s not deep, but it is at the same time. Yes, I’m a missionary. But even missionaries can lose sight of why they do what they do. We are all fully capable of remembering why we’re alive. Let everyone be encouraged to know that there is nothing worth living for but to love the Father.

So, needless to say, I’ve abandoned these foolishly selfish dreams, and have accepted taken up the promise God once gave me: to delight myself in Him, and he will give me what I desire. In doing this, I realized something oddly obvious… when I begun to admire and spend intimate time with Him, I realized that HE was the one I desired all along. He IS the “desire of my heart.” Mmm, good stuff:)

When you love someone, you naturally want to become like them. God is no different. In fact, I’d argue He’s the one that put that in us!

Be blessed!